The tide of inevitability

I'm so, so glad that elections happen but once every four/five (ish) years. Normal conversation at University outside of a tight-knit circle of similarly mental physicists is becoming nearly impossible without dialogue inevitably turning to voting, politicians, and how super-trendy it has suddenly become to support the Lib Dems.

I realise in advance that a blog about not-talking about the election might come across as self-defeating. If you feel the urge to point out to me that this is true, I recommend you scribble down your sentiments on some paper, roll it into a tube, and insert it forcefully into your left eye. This is mainly because I don't care, but also because if you think about it, suggesting why people should stop talking about something necessarily involves mentioning the subject itself; and hell, if people were more thoughtful in the first place none of this would be required.

The thing that bothers me more than herpes bothering a hooker, is that people (specifically students) seem to think that their opinion of which political party is best, is somehow more sound than anyone else's. That, in of itself, is perfectly normal of any rational opinion we hold. What's not so normal is doing your absolute hardest to tell everyone around you what you think.

What, in the name of buggery, possesses people to puke political signage onto their front lawn? Huge garish splashes of blue and orange (and very rarely red!) are showered over the country as if the people responsible think "Hey! I know what'll swing a floating-voter's opinions into line with my own! A large and hideous sign with nothing more than a party name and a slogan on it!".

I can't believe this would ever work. I imagine if it did, it would appeal to someone who needs physical help picking their own nose and dribbles a lot. In other words, they've come up with a campaign idea to appeal purely to idiots and people who cave under peer-pressure from their neighbours.

Exactly the same is true of Facebook groups proclaiming loudly that you will/won't vote for someone/some party. What you've thus achieved is alienating all the people who's opinions differ from your own. That's not generally regarded as a good way of keeping friends. Sure it's good to 'encourage discussion', but again (no offence to anyone I know) your own opinion is about as likely to change my mind about which party to support as it is likely to convince me to sell all my belongings and live under a bridge for the rest of my life, eating pigeons. I certainly don't base my political orientation on my friends (except for any sort of subconscious connections) and I know full well that me ranting full on at someone else will probably not swing their views either. So why bother? The upshot is arguments, frustration, and strained relationships: or at the very least a constant niggling fear that a casual pub-chat will steer dangerously close to that impassable ravine of electoral discussion which leads to a 500m drop into a pool of misery.

Anyone who does 'swing' depending on what particular colour sign they spot on the way to the polling station should have their voting rights (and probably breeding rights) revoked and be demoted to working as some form of building material for the rest of their life.

*deep breath*

I know I'm being extreme here- but the point remains. I don't doubt that of the few people who read this fewer still will take anything away from it, but if there's the tiniest modicum of chance that this has somehow made sense to you, then please, PLEASE keep your political opinions to yourself, show your support by voting, and keep hold of your friends long after we've selected who the next berk to run the country will be.

-Neop

Something I thought I'd share

I got a message this evening which I thought I'd share with you, the avid reader.

For some background, a certain nameless gentleman, who we shall henceforth refer to as "Mr. F. Feckless" requested my friendship over a Certain Popular Social Networking Site®, which I promptly turned down. This was due to a number of factors, chief among which is that my greatest memory of Mr F. was of sitting through lengthy arguments with him in school during which he tried to justify his gratuitous drug habit and his ability to treat women as objects.

Anyway today I was graced with this lovely reply. My name may have been edited slightly....

I have to say Sven, you're a little bit pathetic. Not that i give a shit that you blatantly ignored my friend request, but just thought you might have grown up a little since year 11. You were a big-headed knobend then, and you obviously still are.
Grow up, and grow a pair.

This gentlemen and ladies of the jury, is a wonderful demonstration of the kind of utter gent that F. truly is.

If any psychology students, or better yet psychologists, could shed any light on this peculiarly violent turn of behaviour please let me know. I think it's called "North Korea Syndrome".

Anyone got any similar bursts of blatant self-centered, self-absorbed, utterly shameless displays of total brainlessness, do share.

-Neop

More Youtube hatin'

Just a quick update to say I've found a new buddy on YouTube to intelligently insult and then laugh at his pitiful attempts to string together a coherent reprisal. I've also found this piece of absolute GOLD. WATCH IT!

Collegehumour Youtube Pisstake

Spoof time!

Hilarious Oscar award winning film parody. Enjoy!

http://www.cracked.com/video_18156_a-trailer-every-academy-award-winning-movie-ever.html

Here we go again

I always seem to pick late nights when I'm in a slightly irritable mood to come on here and spill my typographical guts. It probably helps stimulate the part of my brain that craves spreading my less-than-ideal mood to the masses in whatever little way I can manage (seeing as how I don't have a death-metal band yet, I figure this is the next best thing).

Non-committal is pretty depressing, especially when it hits you in large doses (he says, at risk of upsetting his entire friend group). Fact is, individual cases are pretty reasonable (mostly) but when you get a veritable cascade of invitation turn-downs in the space of a few hours, and lose your wallet, it makes for a somewhat repressed dose of endorphins swilling around in one's grey-matter.

Three years ago I could've quite happily spent entire weeks by myself with only my own brain for company and occasional surreal conversation; but times move on and I quickly realised my brain was pretty malicious and probably had a sinister hidden vendetta which I'd best stay out of the way of.

Also, people can, on occasion, be good company.

I suppose what might actually help at this point is to wade headlong into a crowd of rowdy shoppers at some nondescript and utterly typical shopping-centre or other. I can picture it now... hordes of barely-literate, greasy, overweight mothers throwing their children around with one hand whilst furiously keeping hold of their supersized Coke with the other, all the while screaming furiously at little "Wayne" to "FUCKING SHUT UP" (pronunciation of the "t" in "shut" purely optional). That'd make me miss people significantly less.

Whilst this is a total, massive, sweeping generalisation (in the same way that all American people have double figure IQs, and all role-players need to grow up and get a life) it is true that I find large herds of people something of a drain. This probably makes me sound like an utter sociopath (which I may be) but since you've either never met me, or have met me and already realised this, I see no problem with stating the issue explicitly.

Dumb Britain, for those of you cultured enough to read Private Eye, is possibly the greatest example of human thick-headedness this side of climate-change deniers. Every issue it publicises some remarkable examples of thickery from the world of game shows.

Case in point:

Anne Robinson on Weakest Link: "The traditional wording of The Lord's Prayer asks that we be delivered from what?"

Contestant: "Our daily bread".

A mentally retarded Sea-Monkey could've put in a less ridiculous guess. Here's another one from the slightly more intellectual Mastermind:

John Humphrys: "Which insect gets its name from the ancient superstition that they crawled into people's ears while they were asleep?"

Contestant: "Ants".

Anyway, I do enjoy a good laugh at the expense of the less intellectually favoured- mostly because I really think intelligence is as much down to effort as anything else. Most people who are dumb, are dumb because they're lazy. That's a character flaw worth laughing at because God knows it's never going to be useful for anything else.

One other thing I'd like to mention tonight, which has little if anything to do with what I've just spoken about, is plastic bags.

Ok- now you've got over the jarring discontinuity in this narrative, I'll qualify my statement by saying that a MASSIVE social stigma has arisen regarding the use of plastic bags. Supermarkets are at each other's bulging capitalist throats over which one of them has forced the most customers away from the flimsy little carriers and onto more sustainable, and brown, re-usable bags.

I take issue with this for two reasons. Firstly, for a supermarket to say they have a good environmental record from the number of plastic bags saved, is a bit like a mass-murderer claiming rehabilitation by pointing out that he only severely injures people now, and has stopped actual killing. Plastic bags are thin, mostly totally pathetically weak, highly compressible, and mostly now bio-degradable items that I imagine sensibly contribute about as much to landful as used knitting needles and maybe dice. Think how little difference it makes whether or not there's a bag in amongst all the waste that gets hurled into the crushing jaws of the rubbish lorry. They're largely insignificant.

What IS significant is the inordinate amount of food packing thrust improperly onto the consumer when they buy some Jammie Dodgers or Lemon Slices. Trays, in bags, in boxes, in bigger boxes... It's too much, it's ugly, and it means you have to physically beat your way into some items using a crowbar. THAT is a real problem, and something worth boasting about if you sort it out.

My second huge issue is that, for all the hype about reusable thick chunky plastic bags or cloth bags, they make pretty crap bin-liners. Or temporary food storage units. Or ANYTHING other than a carrying device.

The humble plastic carrier is SO MUCH MORE than just a shopping receptacle. It's perfect for stuffing in little litter bins as liners, which can then be thrown away as a nice, whole, transportable unit. They're also great for keeping food in outside the back door when your fridge packs in. You simply don't want to be doing this kind of thing with a bag that costs actual money to replace. You don't prop doors open with Fabergé eggs....................... which is a ridiculously over-the-top comparison but I don't care. Not at this hour.

In conclusion class, we've learned today that a lot of people are very very stupid, and that plastic bags are amazing and you should feel no shame in using them when you go to Sainsburys next.

Finally, if anyone finds my wallet I will be their eternal friend and buy them a drink.

-Neop.

Stop Motion

UTTER brilliance :)

http://yayeveryday.com/post/9212

Something similar

Bit of amusement for you whilst you wait for my latest ramblings:

http://arkysblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/open-letter-to-indies.html