Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Let's call this a prelude

So here I sit, on this unremarkable Tuesday of utterly dreary weather, watching crap late-night tele and wondering how many people will appreciate the correct use of a contracting apostrophe in the title of this entry.
I've been thinking long and hard about how to follow up my well received posts of late, and feel it's only fair to direct my next series of rants in the direction of that curiously compelling URL which gives us so much pleasure; and annoyance.
Oooooh yes. There are three types of YouTube user.
  • Casual. Watches the odd video and doesn't care all that much.
  • Moderate. Makes the odd comment and is generally cross with...
  • The commentators.
Group 3. A batch of human beings so loathsomely regarded, as to make them the object of hatred and anger for the modern era (unless 4chan users are available. Or a member of New Labour). These are the culprits responsible for filling the comment sections of videos with heaps of baseless facts, opinions, and usually a good deal of expletives to the effect that if you have a different opinion to them, you can throw yourself off a roof.

I have a good deal to say about these utterly reprehensible and socially unavailing little mammals. And all will follow shortly. In the meantime, I leave you with an appetiser from "zero89100". An outspoken Commentator, and recently responsible for singly handedley reaffirming my utter hatred for his species.

For those of you unaware, there is a Blink 182 song called Stockholm Syndrome.
There's also a Muse song of the same name.

I'm not even going to mention which I like better because it is irrelevant (said Seven). The fact is, they are two very different songs. Different styles.

And Yet,

I challenge any of you to find one instance of either song on YouTube where the comments section hasn't devolved into a useless argument on which particular version is better. To the point of death threats, swearing, anger, etc. etc. Anyway, I made the point of voicing to the populace that the comments fitted exactly what I had come to expect from their beloved website.
After a torrent of poorly constructed sentences, I received this as a private message, from our host tonight zero89100:

"20 inch penis?
you know what you nerdy corn toothed bastered check your facts not ten comments, ten replys, your queer end of story, and to come on the video bitchin like you did i didnt know you had a vagina..."
Normally I wouldn't go out of my way to dignify this with a response.
So I haven't. I spammed the guy for a good half an hour. Made a fantastic accompaniment to mediocre tele. And in case of boredom, let's all try and do the same.
This should be a new trend.
Rather than rising to the challenge of utter idiocy on display, lets send message after message to the poor fools on something, totally irrelevant. I don't know... recommend dental floss. Or talk about the weather. ANYTHING except what they expect.
Net result-> You feel happy because you've had a good laugh. The Commentators feel rubbish because they're buried under incomprehensible rubbish.
It's Win-Win for you and society.
Spread the word- take the fight to the YouTubeHatePillocks.
Peace and Videos....


  1. hehehe, might be degrading to ones dignity but i like the response, perhaps a paragraph of a random wikipedia article such that it is educational for you as well as mildly amusing

  2. Latest response from him:

    ""Re: Re: 20 inch penis?
    oh so your from england... i get it your still sore from world war 2 and jelous about the fact that were the strongest country in the world and the fact that over here we make fun of you panzies i wasnt aware that the whole country had vaginas by the way those 14 messages amused me only a child would do somthing that queer""

    Bless his little angry socks.
    Anyone fancy spamming the guy- please do. Alex please send him that article. Maybe on anger?

  3. hmmm its almost worth sorting a youtube account for :P though would feel guilty mincing round like that at the moment got far too many little chores (filling the hole i just found in my boat, repairing the shorts i ripped during filming last week etc :P)