Saturday, 12 February 2011

Never bored: Now in HD

Isn't it amazing what worldly wonders we sit and contemplate at the end of a very windy, stupid day?
Why is my laptop running hot?
Why is PROPER Schnapps off the continent so much tastier than the regurgitated syrupy discharge known as 'Archers'?
How can I be so bored I'm writing yet another blog in the space of a few weeks?

Chief among my deep existential concerns this evening is why VLC is so temperamental. For those uneducated in the Way of the Computer®, VLC is an oftentimes reliable media player which yaps at your feet like a loveable little puppy, only occasionally deciding to take a massive shit on your floor before curling up and dying. So whilst I sit here in an ever fouler mood because I can't watch Battlestar Gallactica I contemplate bigger things, such as the changing way we watch films and vids.

3D Cinema. Brought to you by the year  1953
In this digital renaissance we're forever bombarded with ways to immerse our senses in fictional High Definition glory: whether it be the balls-tighteningly overpriced eyeball assault that is IMax 3D at your nearest Odeon; or the less-annoying but more illegal piracy option, it seems we're in a position now where almost any program we fancy is well within our greasy grasp.

Although bear in mind what I just wrote is sort of rubbish. It's true, but I can't possibly speak in that preachy manner of someone who's ever known any differently. I'm 21 and I can barely remember what happened last year, much less a time before all-access media when I actually would've cared. I'm pretty sure when I was 5 years old and the internet was still a foetus it didn't bother me nearly as much whether I'd seen a particular episode of Thomas the Tank Engine once before. Now my only link to this backward time of steam-powered stone-age VHS is recording them onto DVDs (if my parents are reading this, you ARE allowed to do some yourself you know). Anyway we're living in the digital revolution and I for one think it's bloody brilliant (if slightly scary).

A stone-age video cassette from the Natural History Museum

For one thing you're never more than 20 seconds away from realising you're wrong about something. QI has helped this, but now that every fact in the known Universe is available online you can very quickly find out if you were right to say Jimmy Carr is secretly a Hindu, because one of your friends is bound to have a smartphone and free internet so they can smugly touch-screen their way to an article and tell you how much of a retard you are, before you decide to drown them in a urinal.

A smug person I'd like to drown in a urinal. 
Anyway I'm generally all for technology and it has now been a few days before I started writing this, so like an amnesiac on a motorway, I've kind of forgotten where I was meant to be going.

Rather than leap boldly to a new topic (like a howler monkey jumping across trees) I shall opt to cut this short (like a howler monkey coming down from his tree via a sensible ladder instead of jumping around. Seriously- they might get hurt) and endeavour to maintain my new-found pace of postings in subsequent weeks.

Oh yeh, and this is where I'd usually put a punchline.

"And on that bombshell......"


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