Showing posts with label speech. Show all posts
Showing posts with label speech. Show all posts

Friday, 4 March 2011

Past midnight, Blogging is go.

Ah. So having been suitably roused by some well-meaning idiocy in our quaint student household, coupled with an overarching desire to not-sleep, I find myself as usual in a slightly pissy mood doing what I do best at this time of the night. And I don't mean clubbing children.

GOD. Children piss me off.

Not all of them mind. Mostly only the ones I see around here. Maybe it's because the more innocuous younglings don't draw any attention to themselves and I can happily ignore them in my daily routine of wake->uni->home->eat->go out [replace 'go out' with 'write blog' as appropriate]. But, living next to a run down council estate you'd be forgiven for thinking that every sub-18 year old is a badly dressed loudmouth with the IQ of a football and the public decency of Lindsay Lohan on ketamine. You can't pass a miserable, sweaty group of the jumped up little bastards without getting insults hurled vaguely at you (or anyone you're standing near) in this sort of pathetic pre-pubescent powerplay that smacks of underdeveloped brain syndrome (medically classified as being "Fucking thick").

You know the sort. 

They potter around in their little 'cru' with their stupid hair and their stupid Adidas trousers tucked into their stupid socks, feeling like entitled little dictators. I don't believe in capital punishment for one minute but I wouldn't hesitate, if I were the parent of one of the swaggering little parasites, before branding 'dickhead' on them with a hot iron. That being said, probably the average parent of one of these respiring little shit-sacks is a fat wobbling mass of cheap lager and nicotine farting their way through benefits only stopping to occasionally piss and moan about rich people. Yes fat-cat businessmen are wankers, but at least they're wankers who own yachts and aren't going to die, writhing in chest pains from a self induced heart attack, at an age where their sole achievement is contaminating the earth with their useless effing offspring.

An aside:

I'd like at this stage to add some caveats: being as we are living in an age of very loud online groups with acronyms instead of names, if more than my customary audience of about 20 readers get hold of this and feel that I've somehow implied that all council estate dwellers are in fact bottom feeding scum, I will be summarily lynched publicly and expensively. As this is the case I'll qualify this by saying firstly that I have nothing against council estates inasmuch as I can't have anything against inanimate areas of habitation: and also that I'm somehow generalising whole groups of the population (perhaps unfairly) into a category of sub-human faeces whom I utterly despise.

This second point holds some value: it's impossible to completely generalise people. You can't even say you hate Nazis because Oscar Schindler was a Nazi and he helped a whole bunch of Jews in a bizarrely altruistic way.

However I take the view that most people clever enough to type in a web address (or at least follow a hyperlink) can also realise this themselves. In this case generalisations are useful and you shouldn't have to worry about the sort of covering-your-own-ass which I am relentlessly pursuing in this very paragraph. In short: I'm picking on the people who deserve to be picked on. If you're not a stupid little cock, and your parents aren't blundering arseholes, then I'm not aiming my comments at you and please don't take offence; even if you live/lived on a council estate. By virtue of the fact you're reading this you're a completely different league of human being.
These guys obviously agree with me. You can tell because they have sunglasses on.

To resume, then.

I haven't been alive long enough to make the kind of conceited comment that this wave of human-shaped viruses is somehow a product of the current times/government/digital revolution/water fluoridation. I imagine a large majority of the older populace does just this on a regular basis. My main question though, is why does there seem to be such a divide? This is all based on the microcosm of society that I have been exposed to in my short 21 years but you rarely find people that sit in the middle of laddish-thug and what I'd call a normal person. It's an honest question and I'd be happy for some sociologist to explain to me and then give me a firm telling-off for cheapening their science by blogging about it.

Until they eradicate the stupid gene though, we're stuck with them. We even have the word 'Chav' to encapsulate the whole nauseating class into one succinct syllable for easy conversation. We as a society have clearly hunkered down and just gotten used to the fact that they exist and aren't going anywhere except possibly the old-folks home to steal things and piss on the walls. They're going to keep yelling that bystanders are gay, keep smoking from the ripe old age of twelve, keep knocking back White Lightening like it's not fermented Demon-piss, and keep getting each other knocked up so that their kind can continue to get on everyone's tits for generations to come.

And there's nothing you can do about it. Goodnight.

-Neop

Saturday, 29 January 2011

You mean you haven't read this yet????



Stop reading now.












There- bet you didn't. I mean, if you did you wouldn't read this bit afterwards. But I bet approximately 100% of you kept reading. I could probably use that as a clever analogy about important socio-political matters. As it is, I just felt like doing it for the hell of it :)




I write to you now (live) from a slightly more positive perspective than usual. As a result I imagine no-one will be the least bit interested in what I have to say. As a random aside, someone on Facebook quipped about how there weren't enough pictures, so I resolve to add more pointless illustrations to help further my unending quest for Blogging perfection.


I'm trying to remove from my vocabulary that awful phrase "YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN/HEARD [Film/webcomic/song]???"; often delivered with such unnecessary incredulity you want to mash the speaker's face into a cactus. No I haven't, you judgemental sack of organs. Almost as bad is 'You should see/hear....'. I'm sure everyone's perfectly capable of making their own minds up about what they do or do not want forced down their eyesockets or into their earholes. Suggesting stuff is quite innocuous though. So let's try that:


I think you might enjoy The King's Speech.


Where 'you' means everyone over the age of about 15 and with more than a double-figure IQ. And you know what? I don't think I could really say why. The age suggestion is only because of repeated uses of the word 'fuck' (albeit inoffensively). But what should come across as a fetid, limp period-drama about some flouncy royal berk stammering like Gareth Gates instead ends up as a genuinely funny, and perplexingly exciting, tale which you just can't help but enjoy. I guess there is some value to Oscar nominations. 


Oh yeh.... pictures. Here's a picture of a King, in case you're having trouble visualising this at all:
I may make this habit. i can see how illustrations really serve to improve my otherwise stereo-chrome word stack.


In fact, let's continue the trend. Here's some pointless drawings of sea-creatures that look posh:


These are all concept doodles for a cartoon series some compatriots and I had planned which hasn't materialised yet. Hopefully some less-tight scheduling will mean it eventually gets made. I mean... who wouldn't want a bizarre cartoon show about a Gentleman's Society under the sea? I can't think of anyone.

Which is probably a statement about who I associate with.
-Neop