Sunday, 25 December 2011


The time of happiness and goodwill has gone on long enough, and needs a decent refreshing dose of cynicism to crush everyone's spirits. Not that I plan on complaining about Christmas, with the possible exception of everyone's drug-like addiction to a TV spot involving a gaudy LGV containing thousands of litres of tooth rotting soft drink, which is tiresome mainly for the hypocrisy of the large number of teary-eyed fans who then spout onto social networking sites about how people are "forgetting the true meaning of Christmas" (which is of course, consumerism and mass-marketing).

That paragraph aside, I generally quite like Christmas. There are plenty of minor niggles shared by (probably) a large number of people and voiced in an amusing manner by Michael Mcintyre in some stand up or other: just as he performs about every social peculiarity.

Thanks to a delay in my timetable resulting from the fact I have a life, I should now also note that I don't mind New Year either, especially when it includes embarrassing quantities of German explosives and a despicably cutting look at the previous 365 days by Charlie Brooker (a man I'm convinced deserves to be a world leader more than Nelson Mandela ever did).

So instead of insulting our arbitrary temporal celebrations, here's a new years resolution aimed at most of the Facebook generation: stop taking pictures of your face next to another face.

Yes that's right- in our digitally saturated culture the average clueless peasant has long had at least a flimsy grasp on how to operate a camera, and with ever increasing storage densities on things like SD cards we're now finally at the stage where pointless mug shots of grinning idiots on their social network profiles now vastly outnumber their own brain cells. Clearly their nights out are so uneventful and joyless their only wish is to remember how they used to look once-upon-a-time before age kicked in and robbed them of what modicum of attractiveness and worth they used to have.

If someone wants to explain to me exactly the attraction in cataloguing the fact that you still have stuff on the front of your head each and every time you engage in social interaction, please write your answer on a postcard, addressed to my blog, and post it with £50 in cash.

Merry New Year.


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