NY

The time of happiness and goodwill has gone on long enough, and needs a decent refreshing dose of cynicism to crush everyone's spirits. Not that I plan on complaining about Christmas, with the possible exception of everyone's drug-like addiction to a TV spot involving a gaudy LGV containing thousands of litres of tooth rotting soft drink, which is tiresome mainly for the hypocrisy of the large number of teary-eyed fans who then spout onto social networking sites about how people are "forgetting the true meaning of Christmas" (which is of course, consumerism and mass-marketing).

That paragraph aside, I generally quite like Christmas. There are plenty of minor niggles shared by (probably) a large number of people and voiced in an amusing manner by Michael Mcintyre in some stand up or other: just as he performs about every social peculiarity.

Thanks to a delay in my timetable resulting from the fact I have a life, I should now also note that I don't mind New Year either, especially when it includes embarrassing quantities of German explosives and a despicably cutting look at the previous 365 days by Charlie Brooker (a man I'm convinced deserves to be a world leader more than Nelson Mandela ever did).

So instead of insulting our arbitrary temporal celebrations, here's a new years resolution aimed at most of the Facebook generation: stop taking pictures of your face next to another face.

HEY- REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN THREE OF US HAD FACES?

Yes that's right- in our digitally saturated culture the average clueless peasant has long had at least a flimsy grasp on how to operate a camera, and with ever increasing storage densities on things like SD cards we're now finally at the stage where pointless mug shots of grinning idiots on their social network profiles now vastly outnumber their own brain cells. Clearly their nights out are so uneventful and joyless their only wish is to remember how they used to look once-upon-a-time before age kicked in and robbed them of what modicum of attractiveness and worth they used to have.

If someone wants to explain to me exactly the attraction in cataloguing the fact that you still have stuff on the front of your head each and every time you engage in social interaction, please write your answer on a postcard, addressed to my blog, and post it with £50 in cash.

Merry New Year.

-Neop

The tide of inevitability

I'm so, so glad that elections happen but once every four/five (ish) years. Normal conversation at University outside of a tight-knit circle of similarly mental physicists is becoming nearly impossible without dialogue inevitably turning to voting, politicians, and how super-trendy it has suddenly become to support the Lib Dems.

I realise in advance that a blog about not-talking about the election might come across as self-defeating. If you feel the urge to point out to me that this is true, I recommend you scribble down your sentiments on some paper, roll it into a tube, and insert it forcefully into your left eye. This is mainly because I don't care, but also because if you think about it, suggesting why people should stop talking about something necessarily involves mentioning the subject itself; and hell, if people were more thoughtful in the first place none of this would be required.

The thing that bothers me more than herpes bothering a hooker, is that people (specifically students) seem to think that their opinion of which political party is best, is somehow more sound than anyone else's. That, in of itself, is perfectly normal of any rational opinion we hold. What's not so normal is doing your absolute hardest to tell everyone around you what you think.

What, in the name of buggery, possesses people to puke political signage onto their front lawn? Huge garish splashes of blue and orange (and very rarely red!) are showered over the country as if the people responsible think "Hey! I know what'll swing a floating-voter's opinions into line with my own! A large and hideous sign with nothing more than a party name and a slogan on it!".

I can't believe this would ever work. I imagine if it did, it would appeal to someone who needs physical help picking their own nose and dribbles a lot. In other words, they've come up with a campaign idea to appeal purely to idiots and people who cave under peer-pressure from their neighbours.

Exactly the same is true of Facebook groups proclaiming loudly that you will/won't vote for someone/some party. What you've thus achieved is alienating all the people who's opinions differ from your own. That's not generally regarded as a good way of keeping friends. Sure it's good to 'encourage discussion', but again (no offence to anyone I know) your own opinion is about as likely to change my mind about which party to support as it is likely to convince me to sell all my belongings and live under a bridge for the rest of my life, eating pigeons. I certainly don't base my political orientation on my friends (except for any sort of subconscious connections) and I know full well that me ranting full on at someone else will probably not swing their views either. So why bother? The upshot is arguments, frustration, and strained relationships: or at the very least a constant niggling fear that a casual pub-chat will steer dangerously close to that impassable ravine of electoral discussion which leads to a 500m drop into a pool of misery.

Anyone who does 'swing' depending on what particular colour sign they spot on the way to the polling station should have their voting rights (and probably breeding rights) revoked and be demoted to working as some form of building material for the rest of their life.

*deep breath*

I know I'm being extreme here- but the point remains. I don't doubt that of the few people who read this fewer still will take anything away from it, but if there's the tiniest modicum of chance that this has somehow made sense to you, then please, PLEASE keep your political opinions to yourself, show your support by voting, and keep hold of your friends long after we've selected who the next berk to run the country will be.

-Neop

Something I thought I'd share

I got a message this evening which I thought I'd share with you, the avid reader.

For some background, a certain nameless gentleman, who we shall henceforth refer to as "Mr. F. Feckless" requested my friendship over a Certain Popular Social Networking Site®, which I promptly turned down. This was due to a number of factors, chief among which is that my greatest memory of Mr F. was of sitting through lengthy arguments with him in school during which he tried to justify his gratuitous drug habit and his ability to treat women as objects.

Anyway today I was graced with this lovely reply. My name may have been edited slightly....

I have to say Sven, you're a little bit pathetic. Not that i give a shit that you blatantly ignored my friend request, but just thought you might have grown up a little since year 11. You were a big-headed knobend then, and you obviously still are.
Grow up, and grow a pair.

This gentlemen and ladies of the jury, is a wonderful demonstration of the kind of utter gent that F. truly is.

If any psychology students, or better yet psychologists, could shed any light on this peculiarly violent turn of behaviour please let me know. I think it's called "North Korea Syndrome".

Anyone got any similar bursts of blatant self-centered, self-absorbed, utterly shameless displays of total brainlessness, do share.

-Neop