Showing posts with label party. Show all posts
Showing posts with label party. Show all posts

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

A Russian Perspective

I've been trying to think of suitably insightful things to smother lovingly on my little blog, when today after browsing the Russian news site Pravda, I came across something I feel is so fantastically written it deserves to be reproduced in full. It sort of, matches the 'style' of this blag. Anyway, Mr Timothy Bancroft-Hinchley (who sounds very much like a man from Surrey) writes for the Russian publication, and has produced this literary masterpiece. I hope none of you are Tea Party members:

Spankin' Sarah Palin: A clown short of a circus

I have already called Sarah Palin a pith-headed bimbo from the back of beyond, in this column. I shall now go one step further. By attacking the democratically elected President of the United States of America at a sensitive time in her country's history, she shows the tact of a boorish drunkard bawling obscenities at a funeral.

If Sarah Palin is not some kind of a massive political joke in the USA, wheeled out to liven up the political scene from time to time with nonsensical and pastiche (one hopes) displays of sheer and utter ignorance, then it is worrying. It is even more so if anyone other than a manic depressive suffering from a chronic lack of lithium takes this...female...seriously.
Hockey Mum Sarah ex-Governess of Alaska is famous for her shrill shrieking style, displaying a pitifully shallow persona which one hopes is stage-managed to give the rest of the world a good chuckle at the Americans' ability and unique quality to make fun of themselves, a real-life female version of Homer Simpson-cum-Belching Barney at Mo's, giving us ever-more hilarious soundbites as she sets herself up as the dumbest woman on Earth.
Just occasionally, one encounters a bar-room idiot whose party piece is belching loudly before falling backwards off his stool, bouncing off the floor on his backside with a background provided by guffaws of laughter, yet who winks knowingly as he is carried out with his feet scraping along the ground and says "Don't worry son, most of it is an act".
The act. It reminds one of Marilyn Monroe putting on the act of the dumb blonde. But an act it was, a character projected by a shrewd, intelligent and charismatic woman with the ability to invent a persona. Sarah Palin, however, is the real-life thing. And it is becoming patently obvious that it isn't an act.
Sarah Palin, the one famous for ludicrous statements such as "I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree"; she is after all someone who "must have lived such a doggoned sheltered life", Sarah "We're all Arizonans now" Palin, cracking down on immigrants when the US of A is after all a country formed by...whom?
And now she turns not only against the fibre and backbone of her country, but against its democratically-elected President, accusing him of being incompetent for not stopping Wikileaks. Where was she and where was her GOP before and during the 9/11 attacks? She accuses President Obama of not taking "steps" to assure the leaks were not published. What "steps"?
Sinister Sarah Palin then goes on to insinuate that she is an advocate of cyber terrorism, questioning "Did we use all the cyber tools at our disposal to dismantle WikiLeaks?" Surely a more sensible question would have been why the material for the leaks was provided in the first place...and this has nothing to do with President Obama, but indeed speaks volumes about the State apparatus itself which goes beyond party politics. Her question also speaks volumes about her own inability to perform logical and strategic thinking.
President Obama after all knows the difference between North and South Korea, he knows that Hawaii is the largest US island and not Kodiak and he does not use the expression "refudiate".
If anything is a threat to the national security of the United States of America, it is this screaming, unrefined oaf with as much class as a searing release of flatulence followed by hysterical giggling at a state banquet. Is this what the people of the USA deserve?
To attack the President of the country at a time when the USA needs to close ranks and stand together to consolidate the enormous strides his intelligent and respectful approach has achieved in building bridges, when her party's period in government bombed them, Spankin' Sarah Palin comes across as a pitifully inadequate anachronism from the times of the Far West.
The United States of America has evolved. She has not.
Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey

Sunday, 1 November 2009

YouTube follow ups and Fancy Bloody Dress

So
I did promise a while ago that my YouTube political-commentary career would take off at some point. Clearly it's been a bit slow going. My world domination plan has taken up a good portion of my time; but mostly I can't really be bothered.
Anywho, a friend of mine came upon some real gems whilst pointlessly looking through terrible rap videos on our favourite vid-sharing website. This little exchange took place on a video of one of Lethal Bizzle's songs:


laurablabs (2 days ago) 0 Reply
learn how to spell you fucking retard! people dont listen to this because they think they are gangsters dont get me wrong im sure a few fucktards do but dont generalize and get a life!

binstig (2 days ago) 0 Reply
Agreed! Or should I say ... "agreaad!!"

iwatchseries (1 day ago) 0 Reply
thats the whole fucking point you cumbucket
and you generalize saying i have no life because of my opinion?
get a dick in you and stfu bitch

danners2003 (4 days ago) 0 Reply
dunno think its scratchy

iwatchseries (4 days ago) +2 Reply
I LUV DIS CULTER OF BAD SPELLIN AND POINTLESS AGRESIVNES
YEA ITS SYK MN
POW in2 ta moms pussyHOOO


I particularly enjoy that last little addition. Oh by the way, in case swearing offends you, the preceding post contained bad language and should not have been read by young children, pregnant women, sensitive men, or anyone without a sense of humour.

Here's another one. Similar video, similar exchange. Reproduced for you in glorious technicolour:

themini500 (21 hours ago) the white kid is dapp


herecutiegirlkat (21 hours ago) Dont Dis Dappy!


prokhan17 (13 hours ago) if he was in my hood he would get his ass kicked


ElReyRemy (11 hours ago) I piss on your hood,, internet gangster.


Leq001 (4 hours ago) That's a nice one "I piss on your hood" Hahahaha way to represent fighter spirit man


If anyone comes across any particularly satire-worthy examples of human idiocy on YouTube or any other site, please send them to me and I'll stick them up here like mouldy human skulls on parapets: to deter would-be perpetrators.

The second object of my affection this fine miserable sunday after-morning, is something which has bothered me for some time. I feel this may offend a good deal of people I consider friends, so I begin with a warning:

Never take anything I say seriously, ever.

Formalities now resolved, I can begin my tale of hatred.

Yesterday, was Halloween. If you didn't realise this, you either live in a cave in the Scottish Highlands in which case you haven't got a computer, or you were too immersed in World of Warcraft to notice in which case you should seriously consider self immolation (look it up. There are lovely pictures). Halloween, in it's beautiful obscure, modern, capitalist way, requires people to dress up and go to parties and similar social events. Dressing up is now down as one of my least favourite past times in the entire Universe, narrowly out-edging Bear Wrestling, and gargling Jellyfish.

Simply put, we have here a unique scenario where people are actively encouraged to dress as diabolically stupidly as physically possible, then go somewhere with a vast number of people to show everyone how utterly retarded you look. Sometimes, if you're REALLY lucky and go out to a club, these people won't be dressed up; and will therefore have a perfectly normal and worthy moral high ground from which to cast over your saggy plastic accessories with disapproving eyes and quietly muse whether you're supposed to be dressed as Han Solo or a well-presented tramp.
This obviously applies to more than just Halloween. Frequently, in a blistering fit of thick-headedness, people will decide to throw fancy dress parties for no apparent reason- or under the guise of a Birthday. I think in reality, people like this have a malicious agenda to make you go and spend money (which you don't want to spend) on an outfit (which you don't want to wear).
Once you reach your selected venue for self-humiliation, having spent £874 on safety pins, stupid hats, fake guns, wigs, robes, chains, swords, nipple tassels, goggles, bed sheets, fake blood, fangs, headbands, stickers, glitter, face paints, shower gel and a scouring pad (for removing the face paints), masks, and a little note from the doctor that explains that you aren't an escaped mental patient, honest; [deep breath] THEN you get the honour and pleasure of realising that inevitably, someone's done a better job than you.
Think about it: at every fancy dress event, there will be at least one person who stands head and shoulders above the rest in terms of costume skills. This person spent that little bit more to buy a REAL wig, or a proper biker's jacket. This person can walk around, smug in the knowledge that everyone else's efforts look like a joke next to them.
If you go to parties that average, say, 50 people, then even if the relative effort of costume making is evenly split (which it isn't), you only ever stand a one in fifty chance of actually being Johnny Looksbetter. Every other time it'll be someone else on whom the spotlight falls; and every one of these times, no matter how hard you convince yourself that you like your costume and you think it was the best you could do, a tiny festering little feeling in the back of your head will be yelling subconsciously to you "your outfit's crap!", just because one person killed a real wolf to make his mask. Suddenly the three hours you spent looking for fake blood because everywhere in Southampton had sold out seems like a waste of time (not that I'm talking from experience.......).
As I draw to a close, I can hear, far off in the future, the insufferable cries of socialites telling me that I don't understand: that dressing up is just a bit of fun: that maybe if I joined Dress-Up-Society I'd enjoy myself: that I'm denying a part of me that yearns for this kind of silliness.
I put to this moaning bunch of moralistic common-sense haters, that it is YOU who is denying yourselves. The little childish voice in me is quite happy with the odd game of laser tag, or falling out of trees, without having to parade myself around like a mentally-deficient sideshow freak in an outfit that would make BrĂ¼no look as dignified as the Queen. You people who truly believe you enjoy this sort of idiocy, should take a good hard look at your lives and identify properly the moment when society ingrained in you the sense of longing for fancy dress.
Then think that all the money you spend on outfits could just as well be spent on more alcohol.


You can thank me later.

-Neop

Ps: Awesome party last night. But while I thought I liked my outfit then, fate has kicked me squarely between the legs by showing me this morning that fake blood doesn't come off. I'm destined to be crying blood forever.