It's Not Often...

It's not often that I read a chain email that I enjoy. Far more frequently I make a mental note to severely disable the person who started it.

The one at the end of this post however, struck a different chord with me and I felt it would be worthwhile sharing it.

Now, typing is by far the least expressive form of communication which a human can undertake- but I assure you that if I were in your presence and talking to you, there would be not a trace of sarcasm in that statement.

This email is about the annual Poppy Appeal. I'm not familiar with similar appeals in other countries- but I imagine there is something analogous. If you're not British (he says- optimistically imagining he may have foreign readers), I suggest you do a bit of reading into it. If you are British, I still suggest you do some reading into it. Few people seem to know what an enormous difference the whole appeal makes. I assure you, you will garner a good deal more respect for the all-too-few members of the public who wear a cheap, tacky, nasty-looking little paper flower around this time of year.

This lack of understanding was demonstrated concisely when I was in the Air Cadets. We collected for the appeal annually in our local area, and I remember one particular occasion when a thirty-something year old man, fresh out of Sainsburys with his shopping, walked past me; grasping eagerly onto my collection pot and box of poppies; and muttered "...it's not my funeral."

This then, shows how little some people understand about how the appeal works, and how the funds are distributed. Clearly his conscience got the best of him eventually- as half an hour later he reappeared and donated about £10 on a single poppy.

Whether you are a staunch pacifist, or an advocate of foreign military intervention, there is no denying that the idea of a young mother (or indeed father); usually with children; getting help and support from a truly altruistic charity in the wake of the death of their spouse in some far off conflict. This isn't some charity that perpetuates war or violence: these are people who are there when a family or loved one receives the devastating news of the death of a loved one in the service of a cause. If you're still not convinced, you need only read some of the testimonies circulating in papers and on the web for some utterly heart-wrenching accounts where (for example) a mother has to explain to her three year old son that his dad won't be coming home. I don't believe there is a soul alive who doesn't believe that people in this situation deserve some help and support.

Despite my best efforts, re-reading this I realise how woefully inadequately I've conveyed the meaning of my musings. I implore you to read into this yourself and really understand why the Poppy Appeal is worth supporting.

In the mean time, I leave you with the aforementioned email below.

-Neop

http://www.poppy.org.uk/

""

The poppy Appeal commences on 24th October. Please read this. They are doing their bit.....please do yours by reading this and forwarding it to someone else: The average British soldier is 19 years old.....he is a short haired, well built lad who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears and just old enough to buy a round of drinks but old enough to die for his country - and for you. He's not particularly keen on hard work but he'd rather be grafting in Afghanistan than unemployed in the UK . He recently left comprehensive school where he was probably an average student, played some form of sport, drove a ten year old rust bucket, and knew a girl that either broke up with him when he left, or swore to be waiting when he returns home. He moves easily to rock and roll or hip-hop or to the rattle of a 7.62mm machine gun. He is about a stone lighter than when he left home because he is working or fighting from dawn to dusk and well beyond. He has trouble spelling, so letter writing is a pain for him, but he can strip a rifle in 25 seconds and reassemble it in the dark. He can recite every detail of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either effectively if he has to. He digs trenches and latrines without the aid of machines and can apply first aid like a professional paramedic. He can march until he is told to stop, or stay dead still until he is told to move. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation but he is not without a rebellious spirit or a sense of personal dignity. He is confidently self-sufficient. He has two sets of uniform with him: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his water bottle full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never forgets to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes and fix his own hurts. If you are thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food is your food. He'll even share his life-saving ammunition with you in the heat of a firefight if you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and regards his weapon as an extension of his own hands. He can save your life or he can take it, because that is his job - it's what a soldier does. He often works twice as long and hard as a civilian, draw half the pay and have nowhere to spend it, and can still find black ironic humour in it all. There's an old saying in the British Army: 'If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined!' He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and he is unashamed to show it or admit it. He feels every bugle note of the 'Last Post' or 'Sunset' vibrate through his body while standing rigidly to attention. He's not afraid to 'Bollock' anyone who shows disrespect when the Regimental Colours are on display or the National Anthem is played; yet in an odd twist, he would defend anyone's right to be an individual. Just as with generations of young people before him, he is paying the price for our freedom. Clean shaven and baby faced he may be, but be prepared to defend yourself if you treat him like a kid. He is the latest in a long thin line of British Fighting Men that have kept this country free for hundreds of years. He asks for nothing from us except our respect, friendship and understanding. We may not like what he does, but sometimes he doesn't like it either - he just has it to do.. Remember him always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have brave young women putting themselves in harm's way, doing their part in this tradition of going to war when our nation's politicians call on us to do so. When you receive this, please stop for a moment and if you are so inclined, feel free to say a prayer for our troops in the trouble spots of the world.

""

A Piece of Gold!

Dear everyone,

I'm afraid my updating of late has been somewhat lacklustre. However, I've recently come across this email, which i reproduce below. It's an open letter to Gordon Brown- and should provide a mix of humour and scary realisation!

At any rate, normal service will slowly return- my intention is to put up a whole lot of stupid YouTube comments, links etc. for your enjoyment.

Love and biscuits,

Neop.

The Right Honourable

Gordon Brown MP

10 Downing Street,

London

SW1A 2AA

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Prime Minister

An open letter demanding your resignation.

Your position is untenable and, I as a citizen of Great Briton demand your

instant resignation.

You are unelected, have no popular mandate and lack the moral authority

to be Prime Minister. Your terms as Chancellor and Prime Minister have

been a total disaster for this nation and your attempt to cling on to power

at all costs show a complete contempt for this nation and displays your

absolute vanity and thirst for political power.

I list below some of the mistakes made by you during your time in public

office. If as a director of a limited company you had made similar mistakes

you would be subject to criminal prosecution and banned from being a

company director. As a Government minister the standards exercised

should be significantly higher than those exercised by a company director,

you have failed to maintain those standards and are unfit for public office.

 Banking Supervision: You transferred responsibility for banking

supervision to the Financial Services Authority from the Bank of

England so directly laying the seeds of the current banking crisis.

 Banking Crisis: The initial response to the Northern Rock crisis was so

slow as to be glacial and ultimately led to the damage done to the

whole banking sector. A strong Prime Minister would have provided

depositors with a guarantee that their deposits were safe and the

bank run would have stopped. Ultimately the same guarantee would

have ensured t hat the HBOS and RBS debacle would not have been

so severe.

 Criminal Negligence: The entire UK banking crisis has been caused by

a lack of supervision under the regulatory regime set up by you, any

man of honour would have resigned upon seeing the damage caused.

You however have tried to blame everyone else and accept no

responsibility. You are criminally negligent.

 Vanity: You have used the banking crisis to attempt to advance your

personal standing and political career at the expense of the nation.

 Lack of Judgment: You have made three serious errors of judgment

in your appointment of advisers on the current financial crisis.

1. Your choice of banker to compile a report on ideas for improving

public health was Sir Derek Wanless. a Northern Rock director when

it imploded in 2007.

2. You appointed Sir James Crosby, the former HBOS CEO, to the board

of the FSA who then had to resign after becoming embroiled in the

row over failings of risk management at HBOS.

3. It now also appears that Glen Moreno will be forced out of his job, as

chairman of UK Financial Investments Ltd, the company set up to

oversee the government’s stake in the bailed-out banks, because of

his links with a Liechtenstein trust accused of tax evasion.

 You Fantasize: By clinging to the idea that, thanks to your genius British

citizens are far better placed than competitors to handle this crisis. The

following t wo facts demonstrate that this is a fantasy: -

1. The Office for National Statistics' revelation that while the number of

foreign workers getting jobs in the UK continues to grow (up by

175,000 to 2.4 million last year), domestic unemployment is rising

sharply.

2. According to Business Monitor International, a research company

specialising in country risk, "Britain is facing an unprecedented fall in

its economic world ranking… from 12th place in 2007 to 21st in

2010". "Despite enjoying 11 years of growth between 1997 and

2007, the UK ran a budget deficit of 1.7 per cent of GDP over this

period, fuelling a fiscal time bomb. Faced with the financial burden of

bailing out the banking sector and kick-starting the economy, the

budget deficit will swell to an unsustainable 9.3 per cent of GDP in

2009."

 Public spending: Your 2000 Spending Review presaged a major

expansion of government spending, without any significant benefit to

public services, directly leading to the UK being in the worst shape of

any industrialised nation to weather the current financial crisis.

 You have colluded in hiding the full extent of public borrowing by using

PFI initiatives to hide the borrowings off balance sheet. PFI is the most

expensive and inefficient form of finance possible, and you have

saddled the country with a debt that you cannot even quantify. Jeremy

Pocklington, leader of the Treasury’s corporate and private finance

team, could only give a rough estimate to Richard Bacon t hat the total

liabilities, but not debt, from the vast majority of PFIs, but not all, from

2006-07 to 2032-33, but not beyond, is £157.9bn. That is not only

astounding but unbelievable.

 Public sector Employment: The office for national Statistics shows

Public sector employment was 5,846,000 (20.4 per cent of all in

employment) in June 2005, 680,000 (13.2 per cent) higher than in June

1998, whereas from 1998 to 2005 private sector employment only rose

by 1,241,000 (5.7 per cent). This growth is unsustainable and wrong.

 Growth: An OECD report shows UK economic growth averaged 2.7%

between 1997 and 2006, lower than in any other English

speaking country.

 Gold sales: Between 1999 and 2002 you sold 60% of the UK's gold

reserves at $275 an ounce, close to a 20-year low, a disastrous foray into

international asset management .

 Your spectrum auctions gathered £22.5 billion for the government

which caused a severe recession in the telecoms development industry

leading to the direct loss of 30,000 UK jobs. Two auctions were run in

the USA, the first being cancelled and re-run (for less revenue) due to

damage caused to the industry. The Americans realised their mistake

and tried to rectify it. The British and German chancellors copied the

North American first auction; which had failed. To copy a failed

economic model is normally considered a serious error of judgement.

 Your East Coast Mainline franchise auction led directly to the demise of

GNER, an excellent company, which was replaced by National Express

who offer East Coast mainline users a significantly poor er service. Your

duty was not only to maximise revenues, you also had a duty to the

shareholders, employees and customers which you completely failed.

 Anti-poverty: The Centre for Policy Studies found that the poorest fifth

of households, which accounted for 6.8% of all taxes in 1996–7,

accounted for 6.9% of all taxes paid in 2004-5. Meanwhile, their share

of state benefit payouts dropped from 28.1% to 27.1% over the same

period.

 Tax: According to the OECD UK taxation has increased from a 39.3%

share of gross domestic product in 1997 to 42.4% in 2006, going to a

higher level than Germany. This increase has mainly been attributed to

active government policy, and not simply t o the growing economy.

 You pledged to not increase the basic or higher rates of income tax

however in all but your final budget, you only increased the tax

thresholds in line with inflation, rather than earnings, resulting in fiscal

drag.

 You abolished t he 10% tax band so that you could reduce the basic rate

from 22% to 20%, to make it look like you were decreasing taxes.

However in fact it led to increased tax for 5 million people, and, left

those earning under £18,000 as the biggest losers.

 Pensions: Your changes in 1997 in the way corporation tax is collected,

directly led to the taxation of dividends on stock investments held

within pensions , thus lowering pension returns and contributing to the

demise of most of the final salary pension funds in the UK.

 This act alone has single handedly damaged the pension of every

person wit h a pension in the UK but also saddled UK corporations with

a an ever growing pension liability, so much so that many companies

fut ures are imperilled by these debts.

 Falsehoods: You used the Laura Spence Affair to beat up Oxford and

Cambridge about their admissions procedures, Lord Jenkins, then

Oxford Chancellor and himself a former Labour Chancellor of the

Exchequer, said "nearly every fact you used was false.

 Inappropriate links: Given the finding that the government did not

carry a proper public consultation on the use of nuclear power in its

2006 Energy Review, your brother Andrew’s is links to one of the main

nuclear lobbyists, EDF Energy could be construed as inappropriate.

 The father -in-law of your closest adviser Ed Balls , Tony Cooper (father

of the Labour minister Yvette Cooper) has close links with the nuclear

industry. Cooper was described as an "articulate, persuasive and well -

informed advocate of nuclear power over t he last ten years" by the

Nuclear Industry Association on his appointment as Chairman of the

British Nuclear Industry Forum in June 2002.

 Iraq War: You supported British involvement in the Iraq War against the

wishes of the UK population and helped to justify that involvement by

publishing false intelligence. This war has directly increased the odds of

terrorist attacks on British subjects and the financial cost has had a

significantly detrimental effect on the British economy.

 Military Covenant: You have not adhered to the 'military covenant',

leading to a significant decline in the moral of the armed forces due to

poor housing, lack of equipment and adequate healthcare provisions.

The lack of equipment has directly led to an increase in the loss of lives,

and serious injuries, compounded by a lack care following serious

injury.

 The 15% VAT Rate: introduced to counter the effects of recession

demonstrated a total naivety and breathtaking stupidity. Far from

digging the nation out of a hole, it has saddled the country with a huge

unsustainable debt.

 No one should benefit from failure: You have on numerous occasions

stated that no one should benefit from failure, however your tenure as

chancellor was universally recognised as a failure, but you were

rewarded with the Premiership and had the gall to accept.

 There will be no more Boom & Bust: In your hubris you made a

statement that was patently untrue, and counter to any economic

theory. You either knew that statement to be untrue and lied or if you

believed it then you clearly demonstrated your foolishness and proved

that you were unfit for office.

 The UK is in a better position than any other developed country: this

again is completely untrue, we have more than double the debt per

head of population than any other country in Europe.

 Public Services: You have destroyed Public Services by a raft of

inappropriate targets, which have led to resources being wasted by the

attempts to meet those targets.

 Surveillance society: You have presided over and led to the creation of

a surveillance society in which any perceived wrongdoing is used as a

pretext to pass oppressive laws. You and your predecessor have both

single headedly succeeded in making the UK an unpleasant place to live

in.

These are but a small sample of your failings any of which make you unfit

for public office and for which you should immediately resign. You sir are a

fraud and I am forwarding this letter to as many people as I can, via the

internet in an effort to shame you into accepting your failures.

Yours faithfully

Steven Katirai

Some Inspiration

Amidst moving in to my new house, and getting an internet connection, I haven't had an awful lot of time recently for this.

Nonetheless, I feel obliged to share this with the general populace as a demonstration of rare and inspirational positivism:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/8257153.stm

I would really recommend giving this a read. Truly staggering stuff.

-Neop

Let's call this a prelude

So here I sit, on this unremarkable Tuesday of utterly dreary weather, watching crap late-night tele and wondering how many people will appreciate the correct use of a contracting apostrophe in the title of this entry.

I've been thinking long and hard about how to follow up my well received posts of late, and feel it's only fair to direct my next series of rants in the direction of that curiously compelling URL which gives us so much pleasure; and annoyance.

YouTube.

Oooooh yes. There are three types of YouTube user.

• Casual. Watches the odd video and doesn't care all that much.
• Moderate. Makes the odd comment and is generally cross with...
• The commentators.

Group 3. A batch of human beings so loathsomely regarded, as to make them the object of hatred and anger for the modern era (unless 4chan users are available. Or a member of New Labour). These are the culprits responsible for filling the comment sections of videos with heaps of baseless facts, opinions, and usually a good deal of expletives to the effect that if you have a different opinion to them, you can throw yourself off a roof.

I have a good deal to say about these utterly reprehensible and socially unavailing little mammals. And all will follow shortly. In the meantime, I leave you with an appetiser from "zero89100". An outspoken Commentator, and recently responsible for singly handedley reaffirming my utter hatred for his species.

For those of you unaware, there is a Blink 182 song called Stockholm Syndrome.

There's also a Muse song of the same name.

I'm not even going to mention which I like better because it is irrelevant (said Seven). The fact is, they are two very different songs. Different styles.

And Yet,

I challenge any of you to find one instance of either song on YouTube where the comments section hasn't devolved into a useless argument on which particular version is better. To the point of death threats, swearing, anger, etc. etc. Anyway, I made the point of voicing to the populace that the comments fitted exactly what I had come to expect from their beloved website.

After a torrent of poorly constructed sentences, I received this as a private message, from our host tonight zero89100:

"20 inch penis?

you know what you nerdy corn toothed bastered check your facts not ten comments, ten replys, your queer end of story, and to come on the video bitchin like you did i didnt know you had a vagina..."

Normally I wouldn't go out of my way to dignify this with a response.

So I haven't. I spammed the guy for a good half an hour. Made a fantastic accompaniment to mediocre tele. And in case of boredom, let's all try and do the same.

This should be a new trend.

Rather than rising to the challenge of utter idiocy on display, lets send message after message to the poor fools on something, totally irrelevant. I don't know... recommend dental floss. Or talk about the weather. ANYTHING except what they expect.

Net result-> You feel happy because you've had a good laugh. The Commentators feel rubbish because they're buried under incomprehensible rubbish.

It's Win-Win for you and society.

Spread the word- take the fight to the YouTubeHatePillocks.

Peace and Videos....

-Neop

A shout out for a shut up

My pet hate this week.

Lets talk music. That strangely hostile subject which results in agro between friends and, if you're in Norway, death.

I am tremendously judgemental about music. I think everyone has every right to be... within reason. Personally, I hate with a burning passion the faceless, pathetic whiney nobodies infecting the popular music scene with their repetitive, repugnant crap.

The standard seems to be:

1. No more than THREE notes may be sung in any one song. Penalty is death.
2. Your backing track must be one riff which plays continuously for five minutes.
3. You can't sing normally. You have to either have a piercing, nasal cacophony of vocal range; or else a ridiculously forced ethnic accent (this includes all you try hard cockney Indie get-ups).
4. Despite all the above, the drooling, zombie minded public will fall at your feet like dominoes and practically fornicate the ground you walk on.

La Roux, for example, sounds like someone strangling a cat that's had its lungs inflated with helium. I would rather take a cheese grater to my own face than listen to this particular catastrophe of sound. Rap is another no no. That some chavvy, goggle wearing social retard gets paid more money than is owned by Switzerland to speak into a microphone about how much he's getting laid makes me want to stab pencils in my ears. What is the attraction here? How many 'songs' about bitches, hoes, guns, and asses can you physically tolerate before you start evolving backwards into a big, insecure sperm? Why the hell would you pay your own money to these bastards, to have them do nothing more than speak in time with some god-awful computerised thumping noises?

Clearly then, these particular brands of sonic-effluence appeal to a very special kind of moron, hitherto referred to as "The Public". Cynical? I certainly bloody hope so. An industry which prizes itself on moaning like a hungry 2 year old whenever somebody turns on Limewire deserves every single verbal smack in the mouth it can get. People who rise up from society's asshole and perpetuate their talentless, mindless drawling to a salivating fanbase are just as much a parasite and a waste of organs as so called 'psychics', 'mediums' and homeopathists who similarly make money out of people's utter, unending stupidity.

All this being said, this is not the point of this entry.

What I want to say, is that despite the above, I don't give two ounces of dirt what sort of music you're in to.

I don't care.

At all.

Go ahead, listen to this rubbish.

BUT.

Don't you dare inflict it on me.

This, is where I'm going: I am sick to the nipples, of having to justify to other people, my particular tastes in music. I cannot stand the apparent stigma associated with certain bands that I like. Yeh, some people might get just as angry about Fall Out Boy as I have about La Roux, but that's something for you to moan about in your spare time when I'm not within earshot. Dear anyman, why does it bother you in the slightest to learn that I like FoB? Why is this suddenly a cause for you to disapprovingly shake your head as if you've found out I occasionally partake in bestiality? It's just a goddamn band. I don't tie you to a chair and force you to listen to my iTunes library- so don't hold it against me.

You know what? I do like Fall out Boy. A lot. I also like Simple Plan (despite their inherent Emo properties) and hey, what about the odd Emo song now and then? It's not like I slit my wrists to it and bloody up your lovely clean floors. I like most Punk groups (fine- not much problem in society's eyes of liking say, Green Day or The Offspring) but now and then I get the strange urge to listen to Daniel Bloody Powter- and you can't do ANYTHING about it. So stop trying.

I have a playlist with Mika songs in it.

I see nothing wrong with Abba.

Or the Lighthouse Family.

Or Panic! At the Disco.

Any of this bothering you yet? If it is, I seriously suggest you grab the nearest blunt object and propel your skull into it with whatever strength you have. You deserve the injury if my life concerns you that much.

Grow up.

Get a life.

And if you want to moan, keep it on the internet and away from my face.

-Neop

Derren Brown Being Backwards!

WELL! What a treat I have today (imagine me saying that in a really, really modest voice). For those of you who haven't seen, there's an intriguing new advert on C4 regarding Derren Brown's new series "The Events". Sounds ominous........ *spooky noises*

The advert is intriguing mostly because it's backwards.... kinda... here it is anyway:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb-JcgmyM0c&feature=video_response

Ok- Obviously some enterprising little soul has already reversed this the other way so we can hear what he's saying. We'll get to that. What I have done though, is screenshotted as many visual clues in the advert as I could. Aren't I nice? I haven't been anal and produced exact times for every scene but if you have at least as many brain cells as fingers, you'll probably be able to spot them.

Without further adoing:

Right at the beginning (end??) of the clip, a truck reverses away from our venerable host... which means in the other direction of play he gets hit by a truck. Huh. Take what meaning you wish from that. What's interesting is "Red & Black" written on the front of it as it hits (reverses from) him. I'm thinking, Roulette predictions? Sounds a bit dull... other ideas?

Next up we have, apart from a few people in the background (including this newspaper reader), an advert for a pizza website. This site exists, but the pizza delivery doesn't. It just links you back to Derren's homepage. Sooo.... could he have some mentalism effect wherein he forces people to become stuck to their settees? Perhaps. Also on the site, we see date 1986, and this "Dr. Rene Marrone" name (Dr. Rene is an anagram of Derren, and "Marrone" is italian for "Brown").

There's a lot going on in the background including a workman and a couple of suits milling back and forth (forth and back?). The numbers on the lampost look like a lottery draw... I can see the "2" at the end of a two digit number, then "25", "0" (again off a two digit number), "6" and "47". Look further down for more lottery signs. I think there's a possibility that these change depending on the advert. The bird on the balloon is a tricky one. Some people say it looks like the Poland coat of arms but I think that's a long shot. Any other ideas?

Mr. Running Taxi Guy has an "O" drawn on his back. Your guess is as good as mine!

No puddle at their feet.....

Puddle. She spills her coffee cup by the looks of it. Clumsy twat.

Another website here. Again, real and giving a link to his homepage. Lots of info on it, helpfully put back into forwards speak by a forum I've found:

Features
Sponsers accused of using subliminal messaging in their advertising
New boy on the backwards scene Brown is just 'magic'
Claim that the reverse football website is just a front for getting people to go to the Derren Brown The Event website

Club Manchester United.com
Interested in playing backwards football? Click here to locate your nearest club
steps to mastering "the illusion" technique used by top players to slip the ball past the defence
Backwards merchandise and tickets to the 09/09/09 game are available from our shop

Interviews
Wren Ordbern (anagram of derren brown) talks to us about misdirection as the key to his goal scoring success. "It's all about making them look the other way" he tells retsehcnamdetinu.com

The date is probably important. There's also a latin motto that I can't fathom. Also from the forum though: From retsehcnamdetinu: "Ian Ducee...after he froze on the pitch" = Ian Ducee is an anagram of audience!!

Blatant lottery clue here. Nuff said.

That's the clip in reverse (or forwards... I really don't know any more), so here it is... reversed again, so it's not reversed anymore (not forwards? *Brain Aneurism*).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZdnCQcbsu8&feature=related

Which is fairly self explanatory.

Final things: One car (silver corsa) is driving... backwards... which is actually forward... basically the opposite way to the rest of the traffic, as is a single brunette right at the beginning (/end).

I'm done dictating and screen-shotting now. Enjoy breaking your brains!

-Neop

Hot Wheels

This is just a random collection of my favouritest cars... you get a prize if you can name all of them... clue- it's not a DB9...........