A week in writing

Well haven't I had the most schizophrenic personality this week? Yes I have. That was rhetorical. You can't answer me directly: I'm typing. What the hell did you think this was- a conversation?

From the dizzying tiger-blood highs of (brace yourselves) teaching successfully, to the alcoholism-inducing lows of boredom, boredom, boredom and losing things, of all the weeks I've experienced in my life, the last seven days have certainly been one of them. But fuck. I'm not here to talk about my life (see various previous blogs) but to, hopefully, mildly entertain you; the remarkably resilient reader; with useless advice and cutting word-bullets. I may cheat a bit, and use some recent occurrences as framing devices, but I promise it won't be the insipid garbage spouted by the likes of this.

First let's share some wisdom. Sharing is good. Ask Gadaffi (n. A generous Libyan dictator currently running the largest High-Velocity Bullet Donation Program in all of Africa). Here goes: Kids are idiots.

Well... some of them. Which is obvious really. Whilst apparently drooling over how cute little Johnny-Toddler is, everyone's really secretly thinking how dumb kids are. How stupid. Look at him... eating his bib, puking on Mum, burbling like a drunk hobo... he must be monumentally thick. From teaching for a week in a secondary school, it seems some young 'uns never grow out of this, and wear their idiocy on their sleeve as a mark of pride.

You wouldn't catch Einstein getting baby food all over his face.

Far be it from me to dictate that there should be some kind of minimum IQ for people. That's ridiculous. But some of these guys just don't care. They're self centred, entitled little gits who think society is a tit to be sucked on until they die of liver failure at age 25. And they're proud of this. It's probably not even their fault, but it's hard to feel sympathy when you see them twatting their classmates with textbooks for shits 'n giggles. Anyway- that's more or less all I have to say on that. There are obvious points for discussion like how there are also quite a few genuinely (surprisingly) intelligent, witty, funny, nice students at the school I just worked at. Also there's the question of why the trouble makers are in their current state (professionally called the 'Who Fucked Up?' question). But this isn't a sociological forum. Go have clever dialogue elsewhere. I'm going to rip into something else.

Actually I've decided I can put a positive spin on an otherwise quite worrying story. Nothing too topical mind: there are exactly four hundred quintillion bloggers out there finger bashing about Lord Charles of Sheen or how nuclear power is clearly dangerous because Europe is in constant danger of Mag 9 earthquakes. So let's go with this story: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-13011073

For the lazy among you, the headline readeth thusly: "New York set to be big loser as sea levels rise". Very briefly, my polarity shifting attitude to this delicious little news slice is because at long last, the land of Hope and Burgers- refuge of the climate sceptic; and user of around 25% of the world's energy and home to less than 4% of the world's population- has got a reason to get down to some greenpeacing. Because if they don't, some New Yorkers will drown. This is the only way they're ever going to get the idea. Apparently knowing that half the Pacific islands will disappear isn't enough- it has to be brought home. It worked in WW2, right?

The next step. Pay attention nature.

Lastly and probably leastly, I have a literally vital* piece to say about time wasting. You know- what you're doing reading this, and what I'm doing writing it? That stuff. Time wasting benefits you in a great many ways. It makes you a stranger person: in my case, a person who knows pi to 50 decimal places, the names of every country in the world, and who has read extensively on the difference between a Fajita, a Burrito, and a Taco† and conclusively decided that hell... Old El Paso dinner kits may not be too authentically Mexican but at least they make some damn sense. On the other hand, I find that being bored is joint bottom of my list of least-favourite-feelings along with: being unable to find things, and being forced to listen to that fucking 'Friday' song. I despise, loathe, detest and hate boredom with an unquenchable passion that would make a psychologist kill themselves and all their children.

This ludicrous overreaction is due mainly to the fact that I listened to some well-intended advice a little to carefully, and now tend to analyse every waking moment to see if I'm wasting time. Do lots of people do this? Do you feel slightly dirty if you're watching TV for more than 12 seconds? Do you feel you have to reserve those less exciting activities like videogaming until you're older than Tutunkahmun and can barely walk or piss anymore? Apparently the thing I've soaked-up most from all the tidbits of info in my younger years is that doing something unproductive is a phenomenal waste of potential and you should immediately be sent to the circle of Hell reserved for the 'sloth'.

Kids, if in between beating the everliving shit out of each other (or in rare cases solving Fermat's Last Theorem) you happen to stumble across this pointless piece of literature, take this away from it:

Live life to the fullest: make every second count: be passionate in all that you do.
Unless you just feel like chilling out. As an idea, new Dr Who starts soon.

Neo "Get the hell off that computer and do something useful" phlegm



*For 'vital' read 'unimportant'
†Have you ever read about this stuff on Wikipedia?
Taco: "a traditional Mexican dish composed of a corn or wheat tortilla folded or rolled around a filling "
Fajita: "any grilledmeat served on a flour or corn tortilla. "
Burrito: "a type of Mexican food. It consists of a wheat flour tortilla wrapped or folded around a filling"
Why don't we just come up with three words for 'sandwich' and export it to North America? 

In a departure from the norm....

Despite there being plenty for me to throw my sarcasm at (in big, angry lumps) I fear anything I had to talk about, for instance the hanged hung parliament and all its traits, would be disappointingly predictable, and lead to what I call "McDonalds Syndrome" (expecting something to be pretty good, then feeling decidedly let-down once you've finished it).

Since you clearly care what I think, or you wouldn't bother reading this, I figure I'd change for a bit and outline what I've been doing with my ever-so-varied life. This isn't meant to come across as a bout of "I'm more interesting than you!", but then again if you feel that way I probably am, because I don't think things are particularly exciting atm.

What I've Been Doing:

Clearly, from my recent history, I haven't been posting much up here. This is partly because I find myself spending WAY too much time on my laptop and not enough time say, socialising, hosting BBQs or playing Laser Tag at silly hours. None of this is for lack of trying.

Yesterday I devoted my valuable time trying to help park around 10,000 cars for a country show using a hoard of eager ATC cadets. That turned out pretty well. Some of them even paid attention, and all avoided getting crushed by the public.

I'm also planning a holiday for summer, starting to revise for exams, maintain a website, play guitar once in a while, see my Girlfriend as often as I can, watch House, and try (in vain) to find people to play squash with. It's a full time occupation, being a student. The days when I wake up and find myself busy until I fall asleep are the best ones. Sitting alone in my room when no-one's feeling social is pretty soul-destroying. There's plenty of time for that when I've been forced out of this haven of socialising and intellectualism, and spat unceremoniously into the world of work (and expensive drinks).

What I've Been Watching.

This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEjUAnPc2VA

That's one of the funniest videos I've seen in ages.

Also Iron Man 2. It's amazing. Go see it. Immediately.

What I've Been Listening To:

Aside from the reassuringly eloquent tones of Radio 4 and the Friday Night Comedy podcast relentlessly mocking the UK's politicians, I remain addicted to a fantastical album by a bunch of Americanians called Marianas Trench. It's called Masterpiece Theatre and it's possibly one of the greatest collections of music I've heard in living memory- from the uplifting, fun stuff, through the songs that make you feel all nostalgic, to the incredibly emotional, and the unbelievably catchy. So the guy is ugly, and the singing is an acquired taste, but I love it and thought some of you might fancy a new listening experience (unless you're the person who introduced this album to me. You know who you are!).

What I've Been Thinking About:

A lot of things you might expect: exams, how awesome Iron Man 2 was, how things taste better when they're cheaper, etc. etc. Err..... at the moment I'm thinking I really want to watch Crank. Might have to see if there are some web-versions floating about. If you're into awesome action and you like fellas like Stallone, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, and guest appearances from Arnie and Bruce Willis, (ie. if you have any form of vague interest in action films, at all, ever) you'll want to check out the Expendables which is coming out later this year!

Also, I've thought about Google ads- which will shortly be coming to this blog. Brace yourselves!

Been thinking about exams, which you probably don't care about...

Finally, I've been wondering, as any sane person would, about relationships. I like to think I rationalise things a lot. You might've guessed by now I like reasons for things (Greg House has the right idea). Some things continue to surprise me.

I don't know if any of you reading this might be in a similar situation, but I find it strange that I can be in a relation with a girl who's so... fantastically different to me, and it feel like the best thing in the world. I know opposites attract, but clearly there's some line there- I imagine a Hippy and Bill Gates wouldn't do too well in a relationship, and people with wildly differing world views would probably end up yelling at each other over dinner about why the other person's favoured political party are crap.

At any rate, I've just been feeling pretty lucky at the minute for finding someone who's ridiculously attractive, fun, happy, exciting and at the same time; different from me in only the right ways. It feels utterly perfect, without any sort of rational reasoning.

I'm grateful for that :)

Anyway.... I think I'm coming to the end of my introspective little jaunt. I will probably resume ranting in good time, but in the meantime, feel free to share some thoughts about your life (here or Facebook). It's always interesting.

-Neop

More Youtube hatin'

Just a quick update to say I've found a new buddy on YouTube to intelligently insult and then laugh at his pitiful attempts to string together a coherent reprisal. I've also found this piece of absolute GOLD. WATCH IT!

Collegehumour Youtube Pisstake

Chemtrails? That's a new one.

My list of conspiracy theory craziness has grown by one:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chemtrails

This is a lovely little article, as it sums up everything that's wrong with the proponents of the theory without actually meaning too. My two pennies:

Proponents pose theory, scientists (government and independent) refute theory numerous times. Proponent says they are all 'part of conspiracy'. Net result: Proponents will never, ever, ever be able to pull themselves away from their pre-conceived views. Obviously this goes for all conspiracy theories: this one just happened to crop up.

It's a good job scientists aren't this closed minded or we'd have no notable technology at all. Many great discoveries are only due to individual suspension of disbelief- or belief! I pity the man who walks around ever corner, looks at every image, every advert, every aspect of his life as the unseen attempts by some evil government or corporation to purvey their evil gains on the population. It must be a sad existence!

-Neop: Realising the world is more boring than it appears, since 1989 :)

A lesson in stupid

This, gentlemen and ladies, is the Earth.

It's big, it's covered in people and water, and it's about 5 billion years old... ish.

These are some facts which are more or less indisputable. Here's another one:

The earth's crust is made up of plates. These smack together and make earthquakes, volcanoes etc.

Now a geologist or a geophysicist could do a more thorough job of describing geothermal activity but none of them could do it quite so controversially as proponents of the "Expanding Earth Theory".

If you've not heard of this before, don't be surprised. There's a lot of blurb on the wiki page. The biggest modern day supporter of this.... 'theory' is some yank called Neal Adams who, despite being a comic book artist, has decided he's more knowledgeable than every notable physicist, geologist, geographer, and sane-person in the history of everything ever.

The idea is that Earth has been, and is still, expanding outwards due to some... bizarre and inexplicable process of matter creation happening inside its juicy innards. Now... I won't go into the physics here but suffice to say the theory is (what's technically called) "crap". Anyway, this expansion explains everything that plate tectonics already explains fine, but in a more roundabout and convoluted way. Hooray! And clearly, this is all a big conspiracy that all the world's governments are in involved in because.... they make a lot of money from this sort of thing?

I'm sure there are plenty of scientific and psychological reasons why people feel it necessary to hold totally unreasonable, unsupported and plainly idiotic opinions when there's overwhelming evidence to the contrary. This goes out to all you "the moon landing is fake" people; or all you 9/11 conspiracy theorists- WHY do you feel it necessary to hold desperately onto your inadequately supported ideals in the face of people that actually know what they're talking about?

*Sigh*

I've spent too long on conspiracy theorist articles and websites to hold too much anger anymore. I've moved on to despair and pity.

A piece of evening inspiration

Here's something from The World According to Clarkson (bought by an extremely thoughtful girlfriend):

"Boredom forces you to ring people you haven't seen for eighteen years and halfway through the conversation you remember why you left it so long. Boredom means you start to red not only mail-order catalogues but also the advertising inserts that fall on the floor. Boredom gives you half a mind to get a gun and go berserk in the local shopping centre, and you know where this is going. Eventually, boredom means you will take up golf."

All too true, it seems. I thought this little smidge of wisdom might provide some brain food for the bored-er people out there.

To be honest, this book seems a pretty good read for anyone who's bored, not-bored, happy, sad, literate, strange, or otherwise just wants some alternative amusement. For those less informed among you, it's simply a collection of rants from the ever-so-famous curly haired tall man of Top Gear fame (/infamy).

There seems to be an all too rare breed of humans who sit down and think a bit about the world and how it works, and Jeremy seems to be one of those people. Ok, fine, granted, in truth, and at the end of the day, (sub-clause cliché record broken?) I don't agree with everything he says. Light aircraft ARE fun, BMWs ARE for fat knobs who can't drive, and global warming WILL kill everyone (although I sometimes wonder if that's altogether a bad thing. If you've driven through Guildford in rush-hour, I guarantee you'll share that same occasional sentiment for mass genocide). But so what if he has different opinions? I'm not about to model myself after somebody else in a thoroughly clone-like manner, especially when one of the things I admire Clarkson for is his opinionation; HIS OWN opinions mind.

The point is, that here's a man who's all for freedom of speech, freedom to take-the-piss, and freedom to throw yourself head first out of a plane without some bloody health and safety "executive" telling you "you might die".

Sadly, reading through this I'm finding it hard to fully convey my meaning. I'll leave you with a short thought.

We're increasingly engaged in a society where idiots, chavs, and general social-degenerates are no longer killed off at a young age and removed from the gene pool. It's easy for stupid people to sail through life, blissfully unaware that they're making it thoroughly unpleasant for those who do, actually care. Far from saying you need to have an IQ of 130 to be socially acceptable, I'm pointing out that people who never stop to think about wider consequences, about the world as a whole, and about society (and what they're doing to it), don't deserve to be a part of it [gasps at harsh reality!]. Clarkson, like many other great speakers, isn't afraid to speak out against this sort of social liability, or to voice an actual opinion, on any number of matters, that so few people are even capable of FORMULATING. And whether or not you agree with him, you can't possibly deny that if everyone thought a little harder, maybe shouted a bit louder, and used their common sense a bit more, there'd be far less Health and Safety executives and the world would (probably) be a shinier place.

With more adrenalin.

And less hippies.

Ah well...

"Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel." Horace Walpole